This song was inspired when I was considering how many Churches offer a Program to attendees. This got me thinking about how Calvinists indoctrinate unsuspecting Christians into their systematic, redefining terms and concepts… but also how they believe we’re preprogrammed to believe lies (John MacArthur) and how they believe God from all eternity decreed whatsoever comes to pass like we’re all just following our programming or some secret script. All of these ideas were swirling around in my head and this is the end result. I wanted the music to evoke discomfort between the melodic and discordant, reflecting this tension between being greeted so warmly and welcomed in to the group, and that dread and foreboding arising from the realization they’re teaching opposes God’s self-revelation in Scripture. So I chose post-hardcore and mathrock. Then for the visual styling, I wanted to carry this theme forward, so I presented the lyrics in constantly changing formats so as to maintain this sense of vertigo so frequently experienced by new Christians when they encounter Calvinism.

LYRICS:
Oh, hello there
Let me get the door
Is this your first time here?
Out in the lobby Grab a muffin and some coffee
Don’t forget your program
We’re so glad you’re here

I like your beard
and your ink is pretty rad
the Pastor has full sleeves
and gauges in his ears
Ever heard of Calvinism?
No? That’s okay.
Everyone is welcome

You’ll fit right in!

The systematic is beautiful
Nothing less than the Gospel
Don’t forget your program
Tulip is the Gospel
Don’t question the program!
Just stick to the script!

You’ll fit right in!

Give us your children
The nursery’s down the hall
Sovereignly indoctrinating
Little tulips on the wall
Turning vipers in diapers
into God’s own elect

Everything’s predestined, just what did you expect?

Now repeat after me:
“God decreed all sin!
Who are you oh man
To question Calvinism?”
Don’t question the program!

You’ll fit right in!